did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
