I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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