I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
