He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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