I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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