He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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