...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
