It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
