I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
