My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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