Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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