id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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