I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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