Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
