his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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