His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
