Banned from zoo.
Again?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
