i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
3pm strippers are depressing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
