And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
