She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
