how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
