there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
