Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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