Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
God, you're like boner-b-gone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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