she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
