We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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