WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
