Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
