I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
jump out the window naked night went bad
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