I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
