o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
