I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
