I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
