I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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