See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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