do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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