Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
