Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
