I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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