I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
