Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
