god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
