I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
