What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
