You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
