You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
