I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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