i was born a porn star she said
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
