Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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