I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
