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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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