check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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