Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
