my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
