just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
