Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
