Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
