I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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