Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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