he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
