i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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